My Number One

As the middle of October approaches, my fear increases.  What the hell am I doing with my life?  College essays are waiting, scholarships are being awarded and what is I don't get some of that money?  But also, can you believe it!?  I've been offered a renewable $10,000 scholarship.  The downside?  That college doesn't offer my major.  And it's in Illinois.  They have one of my possible majors, but not my number one choice, and isn't my number one what matters?  


We all have our "number one" in life.  In every aspect of our lives, actually.  Like our #1 sports team, college choice, best friend, lover.  Sometimes those "#1's" become muddy, and you then realize you don't have a number one.  Disappointing, right?  Then you start to think, what should be my number one priority right now?  Number one friend, color, college.  Then you start to loose yourself because you aren't thinking of what you really need, but of what others think you need.  And here's where life happens.

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Currently, I'm in the process of finding myself....soul-searching, if you will.  It's not easy, and it never will be.  Wish me luck and pray to God that I find myself.  He sees me, but for some reason I've lost sight of the image He's created.  I want my greatest accomplishment to be the person He wants me to be, and live throughout his will daily, and be filled with everlasting JOY, not happiness.  And in reality, I feel as if I'm all talk, no action.  Me? Conforming to society? Yeah. Bummer.  I don't know how it happened, but trust me, I'm changing that.

Damn straight, I'm changing.